I got t...

I got this in my mailbox this morning... What a riot!---------->> What would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and womencould not?>> The answer is clear: menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy,masculine event. Men would brag about how long and how much.>> Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood,with religious ritual and stag parties.>> Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp outmonthly discomforts. Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free.(Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brandssuch as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath JockShields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" BlakeMaxi-Pads.)>> Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists wouldcite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men could serve in thearmy ("you have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("canwomen be aggressive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planetMars?"), be priests and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for oursins"), or rabbis ("without the monthly loss of impurities, women remainunclean").>> Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insistthat women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter theirranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month("you MUST give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle ofEnlightenment.>> Street guys would brag ("I'm a three-pad man") or answer praise from abuddy ("Man, you are lookin' good") by high-fiving and saying, "Yeah, man,I'm on the rag!">> TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie andPotsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he hasmissed two periods in a row.) So would newspapers. (SHARK SCARE THREATENSMENSTRUATING MEN. JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.) Andmovies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers!")>> Men would try to convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at"that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood andtherefore life itself -- though probably only because they needed a goodmenstruating man.>> Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logicalarguments. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense oftime, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance,without that in-builtgift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets -- and thus formeasuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy andreligion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Orfor their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?>> Liberal males in every field would be kind to women: the fact that "thesepeople" have no gift for measuring life or connecting the universe, theliberals would explain, that should be punishment enough.